What’s funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown costume!

Isn’t she as cute a button?

Let me introduce you to Annabelle Lotus, daughter of “Juggalo Julz,” an “OLD SCHOOL NINJA..BORN AND RAISED FROM THE GHETTO STREETZ OF CHICAGO A*K*A CHITOWN..IM ORIGINAL JRB CHITOWN JUGGALO RYDA..BITCH! IM ONE OF A KIND..EITHER YOU LOVE OR HATE ME..EITHER WAY YA’LL STILL KNOW MY NAME..IM VERY BLUNT, HONEST & I KEEP IT REAL..I SAY WHATZ ON MY MIND WHEN ITZ ON MY MIND..I STRAIGHT DONT GIVE A FUCK!!”

At least that is what her MySpace page claims.

Well, unfortunately for li’l Anabelle, Julz, or “Juicebox” did give a fuck sometime in September 2007 and her boyfriend slipped his little hatchet man into her circus tent and blew a jugga-load. A few billion clowns swimming through a river of Spazmatic! and fighting for the center ring of Julz’s carnival attraction, and Anabelle made it to the top and wowed her mom’s womb with her trapeze act.

For six months Julz nurtured her growing Juggalette just as a responsible and caring mother should.

She sought the advice of both her doctor about physical does and don’ts during her pregnancy and a nutritionist concerning her dietary needs. She carefully watched what she ate, maintained an advised exercise regimen, and even spent her evenings curled up in a chair reading to her stomach.

Oh, wait, no, that was my sister.

For six months Julz nurtured her growing Juggalette just as an responsible and caring mother would.

With gallons of alcohol, and buckets of Xanax.

Oh, wait, wrong again.

Julz didn’t know that she was with child for the first 6 months of her pregnancy. No reason why she shouldn’t be washing handfuls of Xanax down with a 40 oz of malt liquor. Who amongst us doesn’t do that? I apologize. I mean, why pay any attention to your body, especially when you haven’t experienced a normal menstrual cycle in 6 months? I’m sure she just figured it was the silly drug and beer binges playing jokes on her physiology. Sure, she was having sex on a regular basis, but condoms are, like, almost 100 percent effective, right? And why the hell should she have to be all responsible and shit? She’s a juggalo, motherfuckers, and accepted for who she is among her peers, no matter if she, like, totally killed her baby with negligence.

Sorry, I’m again incorrect.

It was the hospital that killed her precious Anabelle Lotus, not Julz’s habitual drug and alcohol habit that she carried her child with her through two third’s of her pregnancy. My bad.

Just listen to this phone conversation that Julz had with the radio station WFKO (W Fuck Off) in which she explains how the hospital was negligent, not her. She completely takes us through the procedures and practices that were done incorrectly by the irresponsible doctors and nurses that directly lead to them murdering her innocent baby girl.

Oh, and God, he was in on it too.

Well, I guess I’m wrong once more.

She didn’t explain any of that, she just glossed over the death of her child with a quick statement about how none of the doctors knew why her baby only lived for 13 minutes. Rather, she opted to use the majority of her interview pimping her dead baby for free t-shirts and concert tickets.

Because that is what you do when you’re a responsible and caring mother.

Can I call her a mom when she gave birth to a poisoned fetus that coughed its way through 13 minutes before cashing in its ticket for the ferris wheel in the sky?

Do you think it’s coincidence that she gave birth on Mother’s Day?

And that Mother Nature responded with an resounding “No fucking way!”

I know moms. I have one. My girlfriend is one. I can think of dozens of differences between her and Julz, but I think the main one is that her daughters didn’t slide out of her womb as though the doctor had reached into a ghetto convenience store freezer and pulled out a luke-warm 2 liter of Faygo.

I guess it only seemed fitting to bury her in a converted Styrofoam cooler.

And yes, those are hatchet men stickers.

On a coffin.

What could be more respectful and reverent than cartoon characters slapped on the surface of the vessel meant to bear one from this life into the next? Or to attend the funeral of your “murdered” daughter dressed like you’re on your way to an Insane Clown Posse concert?

I guess we can all be glad that at least they didn’t have her cremated and turned her urn into a bong.

Cough, cough. “This hit’s for you little ninja!” Cough.

One thing that me and Juggalo Julz can agree on, is that Anabelle Lotus is certainly “in a better place.”

She’s feeding worms and a myriad of burrowing insects, and providing nutrients to the topsoil.

I can see her casting shadows over the ground in the shape of flower petals, instead of growing up to be just another Juggalo.